Clearheaded parenting

By kate on July 30th, 2008

The week before last, I had a very hard week with Ruby. She was being a normal two-year-old and testing boundaries in new ways, and I handled it poorly at first. I simply reacted to her behavior, and found myself getting incredibly frustrated multiple times a day. By the end of each day, I needed a drink and was questioning my commitment to stay-at-home parenting.

Eventually I came to my senses and stepped back a bit. Steve and I thought over the behaviors that were bothering us and came up with a rational approach. After that, I had one difficult day of holding the line (I probably gave her 6 time-outs) before a weekend camping trip distracted us all. The next week, everything was magically back to normal, and Ruby largely respects the boundaries we set. We’re the adults here, and we just had to remember that and use our brains instead of our knee-jerk reactions.

Here are the issues we struggled with, and how we solved each one: Read the rest of this entry »

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Seven Songs

By kate on June 13th, 2008

Alan tagged me with the following meme:

“List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now, shaping your spring. Post these instructions in your blog along with your 7 songs. Then tag 7 other people to see what they’re listening to.”

This turned out to be challenging for me, because these days I tend to let more knowledgeable people (KEXP DJs) and robots (Pandora) select my music for me. But I racked my brain, twisted the rules a bit, and came up with these:

1. “Way Down in the Hole” by Tom Waits. This is the theme song for (the TV show) The Wire, which Steve and I have been devouring all spring. I’m sure that hearing this song will always remind me of this time, in the same way that the Arrested Development theme brings me back to Ruby’s newborn days.

2. “Guadalajara” performed by Mariachi Fiesta Mexcana. Last weekend, we attended the wedding of an old friend who had attended ours. He loved the mariachi band we had so much that it was the only wedding detail he insisted upon. We were thrilled to enjoy a large, live mariachi band in person again, and were their most enthusiastic fans, especially Ruby, who danced to every song. They played (at our request) “Guadalajara,” which we consider “our song” – we loved it in Mexico, and it played at our wedding the moment we kissed. It’s not a traditional love song (it’s about the Guadalajara area), but we like it because it’s robust and upbeat.

3. “Ray of Light” by Madonna. I heard this song at the same wedding, and it brought me right back to our Mongolia trip. We only had a handful of cassettes in our jeep ride around the country, and Ray of Light was one of them. It was replayed countless times, most memorably as I visited Mt. Otontenger, a pretty mountain, in blustery winds. For a few minutes on Saturday night, listening to the soaring joy of this song, I was back there.

4. “Great DJ” by the Ting Tings. After hearing this song on KEXP, I’d get it stuck in my head. One day, the same thing happened to Ruby and I heard her singing “the drums, the drums, the drums.” I was just making her a new mix CD for the car and gave this song the featured spot at track #1. That means we hear it a lot, and I’m still not tired of its frothy poppiness, which surprises me.

5. “De Bolon Pin Pon” by Flaco Jimenez. Ruby has the Latin Playground CD, and has been playing it a lot. All in all, it’s a good CD, but this particular track is the worst earworm I’ve encountered in a long time. I’ve gone so far as to run across the room screaming to skip the track (and keep myself from hearing it). I’m not “really enjoying” this song — the opposite — but it’s part of my spring nonetheless.

6. “Ring of Fire” by Johnny Cash. The final Ruby-influenced song. She heard it one morning on KEXP and just loved it. She mentioned it so much later that day, that I treated her to a video of Cash playing the song. At her insistence, we watched it six times in a row. Even now, weeks later, I sometimes have to fend off her requests for repeated viewing. Repetition aside, I like the song as well as the story behind it.

7. “A Letter from God to Man” by dan le sac vs. Scroobius Pip. Every time this song comes on the radio, my ears perk up and I hear some new lyric I’ve never heard. I love the attitude and the cleverness. I think I’m going to buy some of their music. And how can I resist a guy who nicknamed himself after an Edward Lear poem?

So there you have it. I’ll just say that this list doesn’t showcase my actual taste in music, just what’s been on my mind lately. If you’re interested in what I really like, check out my carefully honed Pandora channel.

Now, I get to tag seven other people… Zach, Meredith, Molly, Andreas, Buzz, Ben, and Joe: you’re it!

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I’m not one of THOSE parents

By kate on June 7th, 2008

I just read this article in the Seattle P-I and was flabbergasted at the deliberately even-handed tone. The reporter gives equal time and weight to people who don’t want kids disturbing their businesses and parents who feel they have the right to impose their children on everyone. Excuse me? I didn’t realize that it is now supposedly OK to let your kids run rampant. Parents with this kind of entitled attitude infuriate me.

Even though I’m also a parent, and love my kid enough to think she walks on water, I would never presume that anyone else is happy to see her. If a business requests that children not be present, I’m happy to respect that. In other businesses, Ruby is kept on a very short (figurative) leash. She knows to stay right by me, doesn’t touch things without permission, and talks in a normal speaking voice. When she disobeys any of these rules, she gets a single quick warning, followed by a time-out if she still doesn’t listen. If her noise level rises (and she won’t be quickly hushed), I take her right outside so as not to disturb others. The only places I let Ruby run free are specifically for families: playgrounds, playcenters, parks, etc. (Then, I’m happy to sit back and let her run around exploring things for herself.) Because of our high expectations and this consistent discipline, we’re able to do things like take Ruby to restaurants and grown-up events.

Unlike the self-centered parents quoted in the article, I encourage you to tell me if my child is bothering you (or your patrons). I won’t get ridiculously offended that you dared to question my parenting practices. While “even the best-behaved child is going to have a bad day and throw themselves down on the ground and scream,” when that happens it’s the parent’s responsibility to remove the child immediately, rather than shrug it off as just the way it goes.

We all live in this world together, and the more courteous we all are, the better. Don’t you want your child to learn that lesson, too?

Filed under: media, parenting | 3 Comments »

Twitter Quick Start

By kate on May 20th, 2008

Now that a large number of my friends are using Twitter, I use any opportunity I can to lean on the non-Twitterers to join us. I often emphasize the personal news that they’re missing. Today, one of my ~~victims~~ friends asked me how to get started, so I sent him a few quick instructions.

I’m sure there are many other such pages out on the internets, but I thought I might as well post here what I sent to my friend, in case you needed this extra push.

Twitter Quick Start

1. Set up an account if you haven’t.

2. Follow people. If you know a person who uses Twitter (such as me), go to their Twitter page and look at who they follow to find other people you know. Follow those you know (or find interesting), and then look at their friends.

3. Get a good twitter client for your PC and your mobile phone so you can keep up. I personally use Twhirl on the computer and TinyTwitter on my Blackberry, but there are other good ones too. You can use IM and/or text messages if you like, install a browser sidebar, or peruse this long list of other options.

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Making a habit of being active

By kate on April 15th, 2008

I recently had two related epiphanies that, in retrospect, seem kind of obvious. However, they hadn’t occurred to me clearly before, so I figured it was worth writing about them. Both have to do with raising active (and therefore healthy) kids.

1. Strollers discourage walking: I think most people would agree that it’s healthy to have a walking mindset, where you’re not hesitant to walk to get somewhere (whether that’s to the bus stop, grocery store, hiking trail, etc.). But how is a kid supposed to get in this habit when he or she is plunked in a stroller and pushed everywhere for their first few years? At that point, walking feels like a burden, a chore, something to wheedle your way out of at all costs.

I’ve always kind of hated strollers for their bulk and inconvenience, so I rarely bring one out with me. When Ruby was smaller, I used a baby carrier most of the time. Now that she’s bigger, a carrier is just not a realistic option because of her weight and my back issues. If we’re going to a place where walking around is the point (such as the zoo), I’ll use a stroller. But usually it’s just her and me. And with the aforementioned back issues, on some days I’m simply not able to carry her very far. This makes it more final to say “no” to requests for carrying, and so she walks. By now she is used to walking and rarely complains. I’m hoping that by making her walk now I will raise someone who won’t drive two blocks to the grocery store (as I have been known to do from time to time).

2. Making entertainment equal activity: Ruby doesn’t watch any TV. Her only screen time comes from the occasional YouTube video and our digital pictures. In addition, we have given her lots of time to play in our playroom by herself (without a parent directing things). I realized recently that this approach added up to something interesting: In order to be entertained, Ruby has to be moving. Sitting still in the playroom is boring, so she must make her own entertainment by jumping, pretending, building, drawing, dumping, climbing, reading, etc.

Kids raised on TV and video games, as well as us lazy adults, know that a lot of entertainment can come from sitting still on a couch (or computer chair). Eventually that’s what we start to crave when we’re bored. Optimistically, I’d like to believe that this early association between activity and entertainment can be wired into Ruby’s body so that it drives her for the rest of her life. I’m sure it’s not that easy, especially as she is introduced to more passive forms of entertainment. But maybe she’s at least getting a healthy head start.

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Toilet Training: we’re still waiting

By kate on March 28th, 2008

“It’s not a race,” I keep reminding myself as Ruby’s peers start toilet training. I find it hard to resist being swept up in a competitive spirit, especially because up to this point, Ruby’s generally been with or ahead of her peers. However, we’re still waiting to toilet train because of two reasons: