Aerialista Car Wash 2007

By kate on June 4th, 2007

The car wash event of the year!
Free cupcake with every wash!
(while supplies last)

Two Sundays!!!

Dates: June 10th & June 17th

Place: The 76 station on Montlake at the entrance to Highway 520
(2625 E. Montlake Pl.)

Time: 10:30am-4:00pm

Get wet with the Aerialistas!

Volunteer to wash: contact Carri at 206-854-3476
refreshments provided

Filed under: circus | 2 Comments »

Time Management

By kate on May 31st, 2007

Jumping into stay-at-home parenthood has given me the opportunity to set things up from a fresh perspective. I took the time to think about the kinds of things I want to do with my/our time, and figured out some main priorities that I want to make sure get done during the week.

There are two main categories of time: With Ruby and Without Ruby. Ruby naps (or hangs out in her crib) from about 9-10am and from about 3:30-5:30pm, give or take. That gives me a couple hours of free time every day to get my own things done. Also, my mom watches her every Thursday after her morning nap, giving me one full day to myself. The big chunk of Ruby time every day is from about 10am-3pm.

The categories of things I’d like to do with Ruby each week are:

Physical play (playgrounds, indoor play centers, etc)
Socializing (visits with other SAHPs I know, maybe a playgroup)
Field trips (a bigger outing: explore the city, hike, etc.)
Art time (at least once a week I want to do this)
Errands (a necessity that she can join me on)

The categories of things I’d like to do on my own each week are:

Computer time (once or twice a day to keep up, and a longer session once a week where I can do things like edit and post pictures of Ruby, blog, geek out, administer our servers, etc.)
To-do list (smaller tasks that need to get done, on and off the computer)
Housekeeping (cleaning, straightening, laundry, etc.)
Big project (one large chunk of time to spend on a larger project; top of the list right now are house-related organization projects)
Exercise (I play racquetball, soccer, and ultimate frisbee)

Plus, there are the ordinary things like meals, changing diapers, etc. Suddenly what looked like a ton of free time feels kind of packed. I needed a way to lay it all out and make sure there was time for everything. I spent some time looking for a good calendar app that could help me plan my weekly schedule. I tried finding something on Simple Spark, which is a great resource, but wasn’t able to find what I was looking for – not a date-driven calendar, but a single-week schedule applicable to every week. (Hey fellow geeks! Anyone know of a good tool for this? Anyone want to write me one?)

Eventually I gave up and used Excel, the old standby. It was kind of a pain in the ass, because I had to keep merging and un-merging cells and re-drawing borders, but eventually I got it all set up.

click for full-size

Looking at this in grid form may give the wrong impression that it’s a rigid schedule. That’s not at all my intention; it’s more of a guideline. I’ll certainly swap around days if a social visit is planned for a Wednesday (like one is next week). I don’t plan to be keeping a close eye on the clock all day, either. I just wanted to have a general time frame designated for all the things I want to do so that nothing is left out.

I also want to make the point that I am definitely against overscheduling kids. I think unstructured time is very important Even though this schedule appears full, there’s lots of wiggle room (I have an hour and a half open for relaxing, for starters). Ruby is not currently signed up for any kind of class or program so we can be flexible. I never want her to have to rush from class to lesson to event with no time to just hang out and play. That’s not to say I won’t ever sign her up for something, of course. I just plan to be mindful of her free time.

Filed under: life, parenting, technology | 1 Comment »

Confessions of a Slacker Mom

By kate on May 23rd, 2007

No… not me. I just finished a book with that title, and it’s really sticking in my mind. Her parenting philosophy rings really true to me, and I’d like to approach things the same way. Here are some tenets:

Let children experience the natural consequences of their actions. This can mean standing aside and letting them get injured (up to a point, of course) because they’ll learn better that way. And, it’s just the way life works. There are always consequences to one’s actions. It’s better to find out what those are, rather than avoiding things because your parent says “no”.
Children need to learn the important skill of “making do” that was a requirement for earlier generations. They learn this by not always getting what they want, by not living in a constant stream of new toys or an overscheduled life that leaves no time for unstructured play.
It’s not important what kid is the first to learn her multiplication tables (for example). It’s not a race! Life skills such as taking responsibility, friendship, and problem solving are the most important. The rest will come.
The parents should enjoy their own lives (and pursue their own dreams) in order to set an example for their kids. Sacrificing your entire life to serve your kids helps nobody.

Those are just a few points from the book. It’s fairly short, and a quick read, but I’d recommend it to anyone suffering from guilt such as I did (briefly) yesterday…

I was at the Greenlake play center with Ruby. Since my main reason for taking her there is for her to socialize and explore, I find a comfortable spot in the middle of the room and mostly sit there. Some parents also do that, and then there are the hover parents. I’d say they’re in the majority. They follow the kids all over the room, facilitating and instructing all the way. If the baby carriage has fallen over, the parent (yes, almost always a mom) reaches over and rights it. If the child is struggling to climb out of the treehouse, they’re magically lifted down.

Sometimes I get the feeling they think I’m a lazy mother, instead of super-engaged like them. Sometimes I feel guilty, especially when Ruby wanders into someone’s sphere and any mediation is left to the other parent. Of course, if it were up to me, I’d leave the two kids to sort things out between them (poked eyes or pulled hair be damned). But all the other parents are very keen on “gentle, Timmy, let’s share, be careful with the baby” et cetera. Should I jump in and do this too? Ruby is never the aggressor in these situations – she’s pretty mellow and if someone takes her toy she’ll just move on. I don’t mind her getting pushed or hugged too hard in the name of socialization, so I usually leave her to fend for herself. Maybe it would be different if she was snatching toys or poking eyes (and I was getting the stinkeye from the other kid’s hover parent).

Yesterday, there were two other girls there that were born within a few days of Ruby. All of them were interested in this big Fred Flintstone type car (that you sit in and propel with your feet). The other two were lifted in by their mothers, and pushed around the room. When Ruby came up to the car later, I let her explore it. She eventually tried to climb in on her own. I sat back until she was stuck and frustrated, then I gave her a little help. I didn’t push her around the room or help her get back out, and she figured these things out too, albeit with a couple of frustrated moments.

When I feel bad about sitting back and letting her struggle, I try to remember how proud I am of her physical confidence. I can’t take credit for giving it to her (she was born with it) but I can certainly influence whether she keeps it or not.

Filed under: parenting, reading | 2 Comments »

A bad double standard

By kate on May 22nd, 2007

So, I’m now officially a stay-at-home parent. Steve and I are switching roles for a while, and he’s gone back to work. My last day was a week ago, and now I’m home with Ruby full-time. Overall, I’m very excited. I’ve been feeling for a long time now that I never really get to see her enough. Now, she’s my full-time job, I can watch her learn things, and we can go and have adventures all summer.

Notice that I said “stay-at-home parent” (SAHP) instead of “stay-at-home mom”. I prefer the former term because it implies that it could be either parent (instead of only the mom). Even though I’m feeling very positive about this change, I have a big mental problem with the idea of a “stay-at-home mom”. It’s a terrible double standard.

On the one hand, this is an occupation that I voluntarily chose and do want to pursue for now. Steve and I feel that having a parent home with Ruby is good for her, fun for us, and simpler for our lives. My mom, a role model for me, was an excellent SAHP.

However, I just can’t shake a prejudice against other stay-at-home moms. There’s no good reason for this. I just see them all through this stereotype of a suburban soccer mom and therefore don’t want to associate with them (and don’t want to be seen as one). I’m worried that this bad attitude will hamper my ability to find playmates for Ruby because I don’t want to talk to their mothers.

For example, today I took Ruby to a free trial class at The Little Gym near our house. I’m not into overscheduling her, but she seems to have an interest and aptitude in physical things, so I thought we’d check it out. The meat of the class was fine, and mostly consisted of her being able to freely wander around and play on the equipment. (I was interested to see that she was drawn to the balance beam and kept wanting to walk across it with my help.) Anyway, my point here is that the class began with sitting in a circle and singing a hello song. Followed by singing a song with bells. Followed by singing the “putting the bells away” song. Followed by other insipid songs that made my skin crawl.

Does it make me a bad parent if I refuse to sing along when they want us to sing “The Wheels on the Bus” yet again? What about the fact that I looked around the circle to all the happy, earnestly singing parents and thought they all looked brainwashed? Will I be able to get over this and make friends? Can Ruby still become a well-adjusted adult if we skip all this inanity?

p.s. I’m taking a pass on this gym class, mostly because of the cost ($15/ 45 minutes), but also because of the stupid singing.

Filed under: parenting, relationships | 6 Comments »

Dear John^H^H^H^H Livejournal

By kate on May 16th, 2007

Dear Livejournal,

I’m sorry, but I think it’s time to call it quits between us…. (more)

Filed under: meta | Comment now »

Putting it all together

By kate on May 9th, 2007

A colleague of mine, upon reading something I wrote on my website several years ago, referred to it as a “blog post”. Suddenly, something clicked in my mind and I realized that most of what was on my website could be considered blog posts. This may seem obvious, but it never occurred to me because they were written before “blogging” became the popular word for it.

I had been feeling guilty lately about the fossil that my personal website had become, with no updates at all since 2004, and no regular updates since around 2000. When blogger Kate Trgovac of mynameiskate.ca offered to buy my domain a few months ago, I couldn’t blame her for offering because it looked abandoned. I’d been actively using the domain for things like email and private web pages, but you couldn’t tell from the public site.

In the interim, I’d been keeping a LiveJournal or two in order to target my posts to friends. Immediately, I realized that I could combine the (old but good) content of my personal website with the entries from LiveJournal into one cohesive, living whole!

A large part of the effort I spent on this consolidation was mental. For a long time, I had a mindset borne out of being a young woman on the internet when the internet was a lot less crowded. I never posted my full name or any clear pictures of my face. I obscured details about my life to deter potential stalkers and people I knew from discovering me. This new site is a sloppy amalgam of personal information, and I’m trying to stop worrying about that. These are some of the things I worried about:

Stalkers. This was more of a concern several years ago when I was younger and single, and there weren’t as many women online. Now, the odds of a creepy internet stalker choosing me (a married mother in my 30s) is low, I think.

Family. I kept my LiveJournal separate so I could target certain thoughts to my friends, and others who share my social and political views. It’s a tough transition to let it all hang out here (hi, Mom!). I’ve decided it’s just part of being an adult and it’s not my job anymore to protect my family from my ideas.

Colleagues. The LiveJournal was also separate so I could present my personal website as a professional face (albeit with a personal bent). I never lost track of the possibility of a potential boss or co-workers reading my site. However, after over two years of working in the social networking space, I’ve found that my colleagues and I have become connected through our personal journals and blogs (and even LiveJournals), and that the line between personal and professional is becoming blurred.

At the same time, I’ve matured into someone who worries less about acting how others want me to act, and more about developing my own actual personality. All these old blog posts reveal a three-dimensional image of who I am, and I’m ready to stand behind that, instead of hiding behind multiple, somewhat anonymous, online masks.