Call for help: toddler dawdling

By kate on November 13th, 2007

I feel generally confident about my skills as a parent, and I feel like I’m coping well with Ruby’s current need for consistent discipline. However, another aspect of toddler behavior is emerging, and it’s driving me nuts…

Dawdling.

Ruby has turned into the slowest eater on the planet. Lunch can take over an hour as she picks at her food and keeps changing her mind as to whether or not she’s done. My discipline methods ensure she will do things like help clean up the playroom, but there’s nothing I can do to make her do it at a reasonable pace. Sometimes I have to encourage her to keep moving after every block she picks up. It makes me want to tear out my hair.

Parents: How have you dealt with dawdling? Is this a phase that will pass, or am I stuck with a kid who will always stop to smell the roses, examine the rocks, and wander off the path?

Filed under: parenting | 3 Comments »

Camera-buying advice

By someone else on November 10th, 2007

We recently asked my brother, Mark, for advice on whether to get a point-and-shoot (P&S) or digital SLR for our next camera (we’ve had both). Mark is a good photographer and the kind of guy who takes the time to do a ton of research before making a major purchase. His response was so good that I wanted to post it (with his permission) so others could benefit from it too. He not only covers camera recommendations but includes some philosophy about photography and parenting. Read the rest of this entry »

Filed under: consumerism, parenting, technology | Comment now »

Is your child wearing the uniform?

By kate on November 7th, 2007

Today I was at a local community center with Ruby and noticed something. There were 12-15 children playing in the room, and every single girl except Ruby was wearing pink (at least some pink – most had a whole top or bottom that was pink). Every boy was wearing a blue top or bottom (even if you overlooked jeans), except one boy who was wearing green and grey.

My aversion to pink is nothing new. I don’t wear the color myself, and Ruby rarely does. I realize that’s an extreme position for something as basic as a color, and wouldn’t fault someone for including pink as part of a balanced wardrobe.

And that’s where the trouble starts. It isn’t balanced when 90% of children are wearing a single gender-appropriate color. Many girls have a wardrobe with pink on every outfit. Boys get slightly more freedom, being allowed some greens and greys with their blue. It’s as if, when a child is born, he or she is assigned a uniform that must be worn at least until adolescence (and beyond, for many). Take a moment to consider how you’d feel if some larger power insisted on a uniform for your child, one that every other child would also be wearing. I bet you’d feel angry and want to resist.

Anger is just how I feel about a society that not only thinks this system is OK, but actively encourages it in every way. I won’t even get into what the girl outfits and boy outfits could symbolize; I’m just mad about the conformity, the mindless acceptance of the blue/pink hegemony. About sending your kid the message that it’s desirable to be exactly like everyone else.

The good news is that, while it’s hard to avoid, the blue/pinkness is not yet mandatory. It is possible to shop for your child on the girl and the boy sides of the store. I’d say at least half of Ruby’s clothes are boy clothes (although I avoid the irritatingly masculine as I do the irritatingly feminine). There are a few enlightened clothing brands (Zutano is an example) that use all colors and don’t force everything into girl/boy categories. I have also had great luck at consignment stores finding items that are interesting and colorful.

If you have any kids, please take a minute and just think about whether you are unquestioningly pushing them toward conformity. There’s nothing (much) wrong with a frilly pink princess dress. But there is definitely something wrong when every dress is pink, or when every outfit features some kind of sports equipment or large vehicle. Mix it up a bit. Do it for my sake, so that when Ruby is old enough to want to conform, it won’t all look so pink.

Here’s a great article from The Guardian this week about the pink phenomenon. My favorite quote: “If pink is understood to be the colour of the female genitalia, then maybe hooray for it, but the male genitalia are even pinker and the rectum pinker still.”

Filed under: consumerism, parenting, pop culture | 8 Comments »

Chores: pay me now or pay me later

By kate on November 5th, 2007

A month or two ago, I read an excellent series of blog posts about how to instill a work ethic and get your children to work around the house. It made me realize that I should get started on Ruby right away, as she was getting old enough to do a few small things.

Her current chores are: sorting and putting away the silverware (from the clean dishwasher), helping to set the table by carrying things from the kitchen to the dining room, and helping to clean the playroom.

Let me first say that none of these things actually helps us right now or makes things any easier. Her involvement makes these activities take longer than if I were doing it myself (and that’s how many parents fall off this wagon). However, I see it as an investment. It’s like that saying “pay me now or pay me later,” except instead of money I’m paying with time. I’m paying upfront now in order to enjoy the payoff later of a kid who understands chores and does them automatically because that’s the way it’s always been. I can imagine that it would be much harder down the road to try to get an older child to suddenly start helping after they’re past their initial toddler’s eagerness to be involved.

One day I hope that Ruby will be as amazingly helpful as the children in the blog post I linked. However, now I am satisfied enough that I no longer have to look over her shoulder as she sorts the forks and spoons.

Filed under: parenting | 3 Comments »

Love Letter to my Blackberry

By kate on October 20th, 2007

Yesterday, I had a bad day. One of the main reasons was because I was stuck in awful traffic (related to the Ballard Bridge closure) for at least two hours. I missed playing Ultimate Frisbee and instead spent a furious and frustrated time behind the wheel, with the car at a standstill.

My Blackberry kept me sane. Using it, I could vent my frustrations (via Facebook status and Twitter). I warned my friends away from the area the same way. I caught up on blogs. The Blackberry gave me a connection to the outside world that kept me interested and distracted from the fact I wasn’t getting anywhere. (I should note that I only used the Blackberry when my car was stopped, of course.)

When I thought more about it, I realized that my Blackberry makes many bad situations better. Anytime I have to wait (be it a waiting room, a railroad crossing, whatever), I have fresh reading material at my fingertips in the form of blogs I subscribe to. I can quickly keep up on what most of my friends are doing by checking Facebook and Twitter. I never have a bored moment. I can ask my friends for help or company if I want.

This is all on top of the basic calendar, contact, email, and map functions on the Blackberry, which I take for granted so much I hardly notice them.

My Blackbery is a Pearl, so it has a camera as well. I never thought a cameraphone was important until I got one. Now, I find myself using the camera frequently. Yesterday, I redeemed the day somewhat by stopping in a local store and finding not just one, but several options for our new bathroom vanity. We had been desperately searching all over online with no luck, but at this store I found some that fit our criteria. I whipped out my Blackberry and took pictures of each one, emailed them to Steve, then called him to discuss them. We were able to decide together and make a purchase right then, thanks to the Blackberry.

I even installed a timer application on the Blackberry recently so that I can use it to measure Ruby’s time outs while we are away from the house.

I guess the term “crackberry” is not inappropriate because of the way it’s integrated into my life. You may jeer, but I feel that, rather than taking me away from my life, it’s enriching my life and my social connections.

Filed under: life, technology | 1 Comment »

The Examined Life: Parenting a Toddler

By kate on September 28th, 2007

I’ve realized that, when parenting a toddler, you must be very self-aware. That’s because anything and everything you do can be considered a precedent (in the legal sense). Every action, reaction, word, or activity could be something the child decides should be repeated forever. All day long, I stop and ask myself, “is this something I want to do (or want Ruby to do) over and over?”

It’s not just simple things like avoiding bad words (a topic for another post) or not giving her cookies. The most important area, and one of the hardest, is discipline. I need to keep myself ruthlessly consistent or Ruby will stop trusting that I mean what I say. If I decide to tell her not to do something, I have to make sure it’s in the form of a simple rule that I am willing to enforce every time. Sometimes it’s hard to distill good behavior down into simple rules (because human behavior is subtle and situational), but that’s the only way a toddler will understand it.

I also need to make sure my reactions to bad behavior are consistent. Anger (or frustration, or exasperation) has no place here; I have to remind myself that she usually does “bad” things because she doesn’t know any better yet, and that I’m helping her to learn. So, I select an appropriate punishment (usually a time-out, or taking away the object involved) and tell her clearly and firmly that if she does [whatever it is] again, I will do [chosen punishment]. And then I do punish her, without exception, if she repeats the behavior. I feel like if I threaten and don’t follow through even once or twice, the game is lost.

With all this talk of punishment, I should say that we’ve been exceptionally lucky and Ruby is a very well-behaved child. I don’t punish her very often (maybe once every 1-2 days), and she accepts the punishment without too much fuss. I’m sure the greater part of that is the personality she was born with, although at this point in her life I like to think Steve and I have had time to develop her better qualities.

But I can never let down my guard! I wonder how long this will last? Will I be scrutinizing myself for consistency until Ruby goes to college?